Counselling for Actors and Ex-Boarders
Balham Clapham Online
I’m Polly and I’m an integrative therapeutic counsellor. I support people who are experiencing a wide range of distress and difficulty, and help them to build a safer, healthier relationship with themselves and their experiences. This process can help relieve symptoms, build self-awareness and aid clients in living a life more aligned with who they really are. Areas I can help with include depression, anxiety, bereavement & loss, relationships, and the perinatal period. My specialist areas of focus are working with actors and those who went to boarding school.
Full list of what I can help with
By providing a safe and non-judgemental space, I can help you to explore and make more sense of what is troubling you, whilst supporting in making change that is meaningful to you.
What I offer
I offer 50-minute 1:1 counselling sessions either in person or online.
In Person
Online
Fees
Initial 30 minute call - free
First Session - £70
Ongoing Sessions - £70
I have a limited number of low cost slots available - we can discuss when you make your enquiry.
My Approach
I work integratively, meaning that I draw on a number of different psychological models to tailor my approach to you. These include Humanistic, Psychodynamic and CBT. I also trained and then worked with child clients, so often draw on this in my sessions with adults - particularly by exploring attachment and early childhood influences. My practice is rooted in the idea that we are greatly impacted by our early experiences, and they can significantly affect how we behave in the present. If we can better understand these old patterns and recognise where they aren’t working for us anymore, we can create space for healing and change to occur.
The sessions are yours to bring whatever you need to. I will sit alongside you in what comes up, facilitate exploration and support in making change that aligns with you. Therapy can be challenging at times and is rarely a linear process but I can support you in navigating the complexity of your individual experience. My style is warm, gently challenging and client-led.
I am an insured and registered member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) and adhere to their ethical framework. I have experience of working with a diverse group of clients and provide an LGBTQIA+ safe space.
Specialist Areas
Boarding School
Boarding School Syndrome is the term used to describe a unique set of behaviours and patterns that can show up in those who went to boarding school. It was coined by the Jungian Psychoanalyst, Joy Schaverien, who wrote a book of the same name in 2015 and, along with Nick Duffell, pioneered therapeutic work with ex-boarders. It is structured around 4 main characteristics:
Abandonment
Bereavement
Captivity
Dissociation
The premature separation from family, home and all that is known can have a detrimental and long lasting developmental impact. When children enter boarding school, they are suddenly without their parents, their siblings, their pets, their toys, their room, their community and they are thrust into living in a boarding house with a group of girls or boys they don’t know. Most importantly, they are without love - abandonment. This separation leads to what is often described as homesickness but what we are actually describing is grief; bereavement. Trapped and unable to leave - captivity - the loss that children can experience at this time is often so unbearable that they have to detach from their feelings and their emotional world in order to survive - dissociation. That part of themselves is also often not acceptable in the environment so it gets further buried or locked away. It can be seen by peers and adults alike as weak to cry and children do not have their parents close by to help them make sense of their feelings, so they repress them in order to make friends and survive day to day life. This is a vital survival tactic at the time but it can wreak havoc in later life if that vulnerable part remains repressed.
Without this part - without our emotional resource - we cannot operate fully as grown adults, leading to great difficulty with relationships, parenting, family life, work, leadership and collaboration. Because they can find it so hard to connect to their feelings, ex-boarders often have difficulty expressing needs, knowing their limits, setting boundaries and looking after themselves. With hyper-independence, perfectionism, shame, pressure to “succeed” and burnout at the heart of many of their difficulties.
But healing is possible. If they are able to reconnect with their feelings and rediscover that vulnerable part of themselves, it is possible to have more fulfilling relationships and more nourishing, authentic lives.
My supervisor specialises in working with ex-boarders and I have recently finished the comprehensive 6-month course; Healing Beyond Boarding School for Women with Amelia White. I will be undertaking Nick Duffell’s The Unmaking of Them diploma training in 2027.
Click here for further information and resources for ex-boarders.
Working with Actors
I worked in the industry for 10 years before training as a therapist, so I have an understanding of the pressures that can impact mental health within that world. I have worked with clients who want to cultivate a healthier relationship with their industry, clients who want to leave it, and those who want to make the transition from one career to another. Either way, it can be an unsettling, sometimes frightening time and having the supported space to sit with what comes up can be hugely beneficial.
Difficulties can range from mild ups and downs as jobs come and go, to extreme and polarised peaks and troughs. Wherever you find yourself and in whatever challenges you are facing, I will attempt to meet your needs.
Resources for Actors & Performing Artists
BAPAM (British Association for Performing Arts Medicine)
Whilst being two very different experiences, Actors and Ex-Boarders often suffer from similar difficulties including:
Strong desire for connection but difficulty establishing and maintaining it
Low self-esteem masked by an outward confidence
Difficulty connecting to and trusting own feelings and instincts
Difficulty being authentic due to maintaining the appearance of success
Difficulties asking for help / hyper-independence / perfectionism
Outsourcing self-worth to a job or relationship
Feelings of shame and emptiness when not working or doing
Workaholism
Burnout and minimal self-care
Fear of failure and things not going to plan
Fear of own Vulnerability
Hyper-vigilance
Struggles with boundaries and communicating needs in relationships
Laying down Roots
Intimacy and Sex
Sexuality
Identity
Boundaries between character and self /school and home self
An unravelling sense of loss as a job or relationship comes to an end
Fear of Abandonment / Separation Anxiety
Addiction
Shame
Isolation
I work with Actors and Ex-Boarders individually, as well as those who cross over and have experience of both.
QUALIFICATIONS
Level 4 Diploma in Integrative Therapeutic Counselling - (CPCAB)
I will be undertaking Nick Duffell’s The Unmaking of Them boarding school diploma training in 2027.
FURTHER TRAINING and CPD
Healing Beyond Boarding School for Women - AMELIA WHITE
Boarding School Awareness - AMELIA WHITE
Trauma, Abandonment & Privilege: Boarding School Syndrome - NICK DUFFELL
The Meaning of Shame in the Treatment of Trauma - JANINA FISHER
Working with Loss and Bereavement - CRUSE BEREAVEMENT SUPPORT
Holding Space for Hyperemesis Gravidarum - PREGNANCY SICKNESS SUPPORT
Various trainings whilst working at PLACE 2 BE including Attachment Theory, Play and Creative Therapy, Safeguarding, Assessment & Formulation and Supervision.
Counselling Online - OPEN UNIVERSITY
EXPERIENCE
1:1 client work in private practice supporting adults with a wide range of concerns
1:1 client work in an agency setting supporting adult clients
Supervising Counsellor at PLACE 2 BE (primary school)
1:1 counselling with children in primary schools
Telephone support work at the Stroke Association
FAQs
What can you help with?
My specialist areas of working are with actors and those who went to boarding school, but I can help with a wide range of concerns. Please see list here.
How do I start?
Please get in touch using the contact form and we can arrange a time to speak. I offer a free 30 minute call for you to get a sense of me and how I work.
How do I know you are the right counsellor for me?
On the 30 minute call, please feel free to ask any questions you may have about the sessions or how I work. The next step would be to book in an initial session, during which I would carry out an assessment and we would decide how to move forward from there.
How many sessions would I have?
I work short and long term so it really depends. As a starting point, I suggest having 6 weekly sessions to establish the work and the relationship. We can then review where we are and decide how to proceed. Some clients find that 6 is enough or may extend to another 6. With others, open-ended work is more suited to their needs.
How long are the sessions?
50 minutes.
Are the sessions confidential?
Yes. I would need to share information were there a risk of harm to yourself or someone else. We can discuss confidentiality further in our first session.
How much do you charge?
Sessions are £70 with a number of low cost slots available.
Where are the sessions?
In person sessions take place at Balham Hill Therapy Rooms.
How do online sessions work?
I will send you a link beforehand. When working online, I ask that you please ensure you are in a quiet, confidential space and have a solid internet connection.
